A Sad Day...

Today I heard the news. My very most favoritest band's drummer passes on. Only 28. My age. I must say I'm hesitant to find out the cause. Gotta love that Rock n Roll life style. I have been a fan for about ten years, watching their music evolve and awaiting the new. The Rev can never be replaced but I can only hope that they push forward and continue. My heart is with you Avenged Seven Fold....

Beatrix Ananas Comosus

Since the Leavitt's have not decided on a name for Baby Girl Leavitt due in February, for bonding purposes, I have taken it upon myself to call her Trixie Pineapple for now. Every spare minute I get I'm always pondering about possible names. I have found that I like very unusual names, like Tatum, Monroe, Gage...Matt has a tendency to like VERY traditional names. BORING! While Ash likes popular names. So far I believe the names on the list of possibilities consist of: Isabella, Mckinley, Hadley, Claire, Lily, and Briley. The suspense of not knowing is killing me!

The phone rang. "Hello?". "Hi, Shay! It's Matt. I'm calling because we have decided on the baby's name and we wanted you to be the first to know". At this point you can only imagine my excitement. I'm not sure but I may even have squealed. "Beatrix Ananas Comosus". "What???", I said in confusion. "Bea-trix A-nan-as Co-mo-sus", he replied. I sat in a stupor while he explained. "Well since you call her Trixie Pineapple, Trixie is short for Beatrix and Ananas Comosus is the scientific name for pineapple...". Once the light went off in my head I burst out laughing. Only Matt would be witty enough to come up with that!

So I guess we all will have to wait til the lil shit gets here to know her name. Hopefully it won't really be Beatrix Ananas Comosus. But until then, keep the suggestions coming!

I Call This One Blue Steel...

You've seen it on every social network out there. You may have even done it yourself. But why, I ask, WHY? Do you feel like a super model? Does your fat ass look skinnier suck'in in those cheeks? Is it supposed to be funny or serious? Can someone pleeasse explain this "Blue Steel" epidemic???

Almost everyone on Facebook and other social networkings as at least one of these poses. And everytime I see one, a bad case of Turrets takes over, and the fact I think they look like a F#%$# retard races out of my mouth. "It's supposed to be funny", you say. Funny I get. But do you really think all of those pre-Madonna mini hoes do it because it's suppoed to be FUNNY???? I think not.

Schlange-isms

The Schlange family always keeps me guessing. You never know what will fly out of their mouths next...turrets? maybe? Due to my adventures with my enigmatic family I have decided to share thses things my blogg'in buddies.

Mason, This One's For You: Sometimes I wonder about the kid. I have often wondered if he is one short of a six pack, if ya know what I'm say'n. He is the ultimate super jock. He seems to have stored mountains of useless football trivia in that brain of his, which has taken the space meant for much needed common sense. But somehow manages to be hilariously witty. No matter how many times we correct him on the pronunciation of our last name, pronounced slang-e, he insist on saying SCHA-LAN-GEE. He pretty much doesn't care what anyone thinks of him and calls it like he see's it. He always likes to mention how we all envy him for his "luscious mane of hair" and how we all wish we had his "rock'in body". Muscle milk is an essential ingredient in his jock diet. The kid is pretty much allergic to anything and everything you could imagine. Wearing jeans for him is a travesty, he'd prefer his"jock clothes", because of how comfortable they are. And no matter what he has to one up Chaz, to prove how much better he is than his big brother. Now that I have given you a brief history on Mason, let me share with you his thought he shared with us the other day. Literally this came out of no where. He began to share "...so one day, when I have a kid...I'm gonna name him Urijah (ur-i-a)..."and if me and my wife can't have kids, I'm gonna adopt a black baby and name him Jacory (ja-cory), and I'm gonna teach him to be good at football....and one day he will play for the NFL...". At this point I remember feeling dumbfounded! What kind of 16 year old thinks of this shit! Only Mason......

A Dragon! Not A Fairy!

My initial reactions was "Oh Hell! He's gonna be a flamer....". I made the mistake on complimenting him on his fairy wings. He angrily informed me that he was not a fairy, that he was a DRAGON! As usual he quickly forgave me and said that he was going to make me my very own set of dragon wings so we could play dragons, and scratch and blow fire at each other! The pleasures of being Uncle Shay.

Coming Out Of The Closet: Confessions Of Yet Another Snuggie Lover

Does this look like pictures of a Snuggie Hater? I think not! Brett it's time for you to come out of the Snuggie lov'in closet buddy.

After being ridiculed about becoming a Snuggie owner, Chaz and I couldn't resist purchasing Brett one of his very own. We knew Brett, being Brett would have a scandalise b-lated birthday present for Chaz, so it made the purchase even more sweet.

The door bell rang, Chaz answered the door to Brett and Kaylyn singing "Happy Birthday", in one hand holding a bouquet of brightly colored balloons with little penises all over them. In the other a cake with several brightly colored, lit penis candles. At this point you can only fathom what Brett may have in store for Chaz. Then he hands Chaz a DVD, he cautiously opens it. Inside a disc with a very fancy doodle of....that's right, a penis and a world's smallest condom. The title on the disc says "Best South Park Episodes", Chaz gives a sigh of relief. Later that evening we decide to watch "Best South Park Episodes". Chaz questions the fact that there are previews before this homemade collaboration. Very wittingly, Brett responds with " Yeah, I wanted it to seem real". For a moment it pacifies Chaz's curiosity. As the movie title appears as "Broke Back Mountain" and not South Park, Chaz keeps a good distance from the television, repeating and laughing "What the F#$*%, Hell No". I'm not sure why Chaz kept his distance from the T.V., it was like it had black plaque. Maybe he was afraid of one those cute gay cowboys reaching out from the T.V. to get him?!

I don't really need to tell you the story about Brett getting his present....you can see for your self! I appears that he really digs his new designer cheetah print Snuggie!

Happy Turkey Day!

The day of pure gluttony approaches! And we all without realizing, eat and eat, and eat.....after the traditional binge, you reach the point when getting up to pee seems like a ridiculous thought. Once after many hours just sitting there with our pants undone, the temptations of having yet another helping seduces our taste buds. Wiping the drool from the corner of our mouths,we heave-hoe out of the chair, and give in.

Food for Thought:
I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
-Jon Stewart
I love Thanksgiving turkey...it's the only time in Los Angeles you see natural breast.
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
Here I am at 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt! -Roseanne Barr